Life has it's Ups and Downs!

Fortunately....throughout my life, I've had more ups than downs but when I have downs they tend to be extreme. Lately I've been going through that quite a bit and wanting pity parties and attention. I've been working on pulling myself together but yesterday was really hard for me! I was a wreck in the morning, got better in the afternoon and then didn't end so well at night. Kandis and I were watching a show (which reminded me of Cloverfield) where a majority of people die! I couldn't help but be reminded of my morning and that's why it didn't end well.

Of course, now you're probably wondering what happened. Well,...one of my regular members, who I've been helping him and his wife for a few years now, came Sat. morning to do his transaction. I asked him a couple weeks ago how his wife was doing, since I noticed that she hadn't been coming for quite some time. He replied that she'd been ill for quite some time and was in the hospital. She'd been fighting cancer. The doctor said that it was only a matter of time and that she should go home and get her affairs in order. I let him know that she would be in my prayers and thought to myself that I should go see her on my next day off.

After he finished his transaction with my coworker, I asked him once again how his wife was doing and wondered if there had been any progress over the last couple of weeks. He turned toward me and, almost choking on the words, answered,"She died yesterday!" There was a brief moment of silence. After the initial shock of the news, I let him know that I was sorry to hear that. Both of us were now holding back tears and both agreed that now she was in a better place and not having to deal with the pain.

After he left, I went straight to the back room in our office for a moment to regroup. I tried holding back tears but they continued to stream down my face (Of all days to be wearing mascara it had to be today!) and my breathing was heavy from holding it all in. I started to calm myself down and went to the bathroom. My eyes were bloodshot and stained with mascara. I got cleaned up, felt much better and headed back in hopes that I'd be fine the rest of the day.

I went in my supervisor's office with intentions to let him know I'd be in the backroom for a while (just till the red eye wore off) but as soon as I starting explaining I just broke down to the point where my words at the end were more like a scream because they were so high-pitched because of crying. What began as a stream of tears soon became a waterfall! He told me to sit down and take a moment as he shut the door to the office. It felt like the worst ache coming from deep down inside me and made me bawl! My heart just goes out to this man and his family because his wife was one of the sweetest ladies you'd ever known. She was always so appreciative and supportive of others.

Needless to say...my coworkers were extra nice to me and looking for opportunities to make me laugh and get my mind off things. We ended up having quite a few laughs and even played some glow-in-the-dark basketball in between helping the members that came to our branch. Work ended well but after watching that show and seeing all the people dying made me want to cry even more.

Part of it is just that I'm afraid of losing the ones I love. Another part of it is that I don't do enough to show them how much I care. As soon as I heard that woman passed away, I felt terrible that I didn't take the time to go to the hospital and let her know how much I enjoyed seeing her and getting to know her as I did her transactions each time. It got me thinking that I need to tell people more often in words and actions that I love them and appreciate them.

Especially since I've been lucky enough to have some of the best people in my life right now. Kandis' mom has taken me in as one of her own; as well as, the rest of the Bryant family and allow me to enjoy fabulous family meals with them and be surrounded by good company. Deneigh always shows up in the times that I need her most so we can have our heart to heart talks.

JaNae's always been lookin' out for me when I felt like I didn't belong and believes in me even when I don't, which helps me to push myself. She always invites me to play sports, go to the gym, or go running. It's because of her I was able to run the DesNews 10k that I've always wanted to.

Wendy always brings out the best in people and makes for a great sidekick. It brought tears to my eyes the other day when we ran in the rain because it brought back a sweet memory. I was struggling toward the end of our run, and although she'd already finished, she ran back to me to help me run the rest which was very similar to when we ran the Bryce Half Marathon.

Kandis practically took me under her wing. She was my visiting teacher and really helped me in so many ways. She's always been someone I can talk to and I get excited to share news with her especially if it's about a date with a guy I like. She's so talented, hardworking and extremely funny that I can't help but want to be around her all the time! Hopes and dreams are her specialty. If she's not asking people what their hopes and dreams are then she's making them come true!

Hopefully, now that I've shared about each of these closest friends of mine, you'll be able to see why they mean so much to me! (And that's just one paragraph about them...just wait till I write the complete novel..."Friends Without Ends" ) He!He! If anyone asked me if I'd ever had a dream come true...I'd say,"Yeah,...I got the friends I've always dreamed of having!!! And they continue to make my dreams come true!!!" You can't ask for anything more!